so today it is a story day, so you can get a feel for how the days just flow by.
‘Dave’
‘yes, Jen’
‘The toilet is not working’
‘What do you mean. It was working this morning’
‘But it isn’t now’
‘Nightmare, Jen’
‘Best look at it, Dave’
‘But that means taking it all to bits and everything and I hate toilets’Biggest of sighs from himself. I know this means spanners and screw drivers, so out with the boxes.
So there we are, having to strip the bathroom down, empty all the cupboards and dismantle the box around the pump and then get into the pump. And it is the smallest room in the house too. You can see where the pump is, where the handle sticks out above the loo. The access is not from the front where the handle is, but at the side, just to be even more awkward.
It is late afternoon, hot and sticky and the odour once the pump is exposed is somewhat on the unpleasant side. So take of the blanking piece of wood, off with the pump cap and all is revealed – it is completely clogged with limescale. And there is now water and stuff everywhere. Definitely a rubber glove job. The pump is really hard to get out, and when it does come out into the bucket my heart sinks, as it is now hours if scrape and de-scale. Being watery it is woman’s work, so I pour in any noxious substance that might remove limescale and set to work. Dave cleans up the worst of the wet in the bathroom. At last some hours later it seems clean and then it is the job of putting it back, which is even harder than getting it out. By now it is 10pm and we have not had a meal and are hot, crabby and smelly. Finally it is back together again and off for a trial run. Horror, it still leaks a bit and all the fiddling in the world is not going to make it right.
‘Could cry, Jen’
‘I know. But it is not too bad and will do for overnight’
‘Hmmmmmm. That’s true. OK another go tomorrow. I’ll get the spare one out’
‘What do you want for tea?’
‘Can’t be bothered’
So we eat a bowl of fruit and cream, have a shower and off to bed to face another day.
AM
Dave is upside down under the bunk rootling through all his treasures and finally emerging with his prize. Uh oh.
‘Jen’
‘Yes Dave’
‘That pump I thought was new,...’
‘Yes,Dave’
‘It isn’t’
‘Why is it under the bunk then’
‘Hmmmmm. Must be OK’
‘It’s not one of your might be useful but not really working treasures is it?’
‘Don’t know. We could give it a go.’
So the whole procedure is repeated, pump out, more water everywhere, and now it's lunch time. Being wiser today we break for food before starting the procedure over again, putting in the ‘new' pump. Same struggle and teddy throwing, then the test run is ready. This time the leak is worse than ever and water is cascading into the shower tray. Dave is beside himself as he cannot work out why it isn’t working, but all the tightening and shifting of nuts and bolts is futile. By now it is late again. So it is off with this one and back with the other one which has had even more cleaning and new valves put in. Hours later – still leaking but usable for the night. By now I have even more fizzing witches cauldron of pump cleaning stuff.
‘Dave’
‘Yes. Jen’
‘First thing tomorrow we are buying a brand new pump’
‘But I don’t know why they won’t work and a new one costs money.’
‘Dave, they are knackered and old and leaking and we are not going to go through this again’
‘Guess not. OK new pump’
‘Jen’
‘Yes Dave’
‘If the pump is scaled up maybe the pipe is too. Perhaps I should get pipe as well.’
‘Good idea’
So another bowl of fruit and cream and off to bed.
AM
Off to the chandler and back with lovely new pump and coils of loo pipe. Should be simple to pull out the old pipe and run the new, but sod’s law says that because it is all hot and humid and the loo is a small space, it is going to take lots of pulling and shoving from both of us. The discharge pipe runs from thee loo up to the pump then into the upper cupboard, across to the other side and down through holes cut for it to under the hand basin, under the floor and through to the discharge sea cock. The new pipe does not want to be confined I think but eventually we win and several hours later we have all new piping, and a branny new pump and this test run is magic – until a bit later there is a telltale trickle of blue loo water. Dave is about to throw himself overboard till he remembers that maybe he hadn’t tightened one of the nuts up. This is not too difficult to do, just messy as it lets more water out. But, wonder of wonders, we now have a non-leaking and functioning loo. And it only took 3 days!
‘Jen’
‘Yes. Dave’
‘Where are you going with those buckets of pumps?’
‘To the bin’
‘But Jen! !!!!! They are might be useful, they are my treasures!!!!!!!!’
‘Dave, they don’t work, won’t work and are no longer treasures. I will buy you a second branny new pump to put under the bunk as a real treasure for you’.
Big sigh, and despite his lovely new working pump I still think he misses his treasures.
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